The God Of Zero
by Phearo
Summary: Louise summons a familiar unlike any other! What could this supposedly "God of Conquest" even do- wait, WHAT? (Let's get this straight- did you just say that the most physically inept guy in the whole universe was chosen for this girl's servant? You're kidding me right?)


**Author's Notes: I... I had.. no idea what came over me. It was like, a rabid herd of plot bunnies just stomped all over me...I'm sorry! I'll go back in the dungeon! I promise!****  
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"Come to me... Familiar!"

It was the final words chanted by Louise Francoise Le Blanc de La Valliére as she rose her wand to the skies, moving with every bit of gracefulness that had been drilled into her very being- this was the day that all of the mockery would stop- that all of the insults would become silent awes, as she now has given the chance to prove them wrong once and for all!

Even under the careful mask of elegance supplied by her training, the smile of satisfaction and hope shattered this stoic expression.

She could just imagine it now, after the smoke dissipates, will then that a humongous form will take form- Maybe it could be one of the great elemental spirits! Supplying her with both its wisdom and prowess in its battles, teaching her the ways of magic with the proficiency unlike any of her professors could ever hope to display!

Oh, Louise's petite little body couldn't help but be giddy with excitement- almost taking it everything she has not to just jump up and down in anticipation, she was as much as a kid as her appearance states her to be after all, no matter how much she tries to deny it herself.

Yet, her dreams would soon be shattered- no, even saying that her ambition or even her childish whim was obliterated, crushed by a meteor twice the size of the _**sun**_, then thrown into the pit of lava inside the deepest recesses of hell would even undermine the loss of hope that she experienced- yes, it was even worse than a normal child figuring out that Santa didn't actually exist- She anything but a normal child however, so all was in acceptable terms.

Behind the thick screen of smoke, a terrible coughing fit roared, causing the young pink-headed mage to raise a brow in suspicion. Big, scary, powerful familiars weren't supposed to mind trivial things such as puffs of smoke!

"Oh no," Her mind begun to realize, "Did I mess it up?"

The thought of failing once more shrank her confidence down to size, and the figure that appeared as the smoke vanished was what nailed it down shut.

It was a man; a young adolescent, to be precise, down on all fours as he tries to breathe in the oxygen that he so sorely missed during his time within that infernal mess of smoke, while battling the coughing fits that try to raise up through his throat- the punishment for earlier attempting to breathe in the substance **normally**. It wasn't his fault, I assure it, for he was thoroughly enjoying his life as a free otaku until this moment, casually walking towards his home with his PFP in hand, in full isolation, just like what any socially-recluse young man would do! Ah, wait, his supposed 'sister' was there with him, too bad, then.

Louise's features scrunched up, sizing up the new attendee to the ritual. The tall, humongous gallant form of her imagined being had put her expectations on a pedestal of sculpted diamonds- having this youth's bony body garbed in red clothing instantly failing in comparison.

This was then that all of the terrible moments that lead up to this point collided within her head, boiling her previously depressed mind into one fuming with **ANGER **and **RAGE**.

"H-how-.. dare he… ruin my chance!?" She exploded inwardly. She.. was going to change all of their thoughts.. She was-

"Ms. Valliére, continue with the summoning ritual, if you please."

The voice from behind her spoke, it was the calm gentle tones that could only come from one of her professors, Professor Jean Colbert.

"Can I please try again, professor? I just messed up a little!" All she could do was to plea to the older gentleman, hoping that she would be given enough passion to retry her previous endeavor.

"A little, yeah right- more like a lot, Louise the Zero!" One student from the back of the crowd that surrounded her mused, promptly getting silenced by the pink one's terrible glare. She hadn't notice while she had been stuck in reverie, but the whole class had seemed to work in tangent into demeaning her; for them, it was a true sign of a failure that she had summoned nothing more but a simple commoner unlike the magical beasts that answered their own individual calls. Even if some of the students would admit that the strength of their familiars might have been weak, it would have still been enough to beat the lights of the scrawny servant that appeared before her.

"Sadly, I can't let you do that, Ms. Valliére, the rule states that whatever familiar you summon will be bound to you for all eternity."

The professor shot down her requests with a simply restatement of the truth- one would not be a proper noble if they failed to obey the rules they were set to follow, especially if those rules were the roots of a ripened tradition, and was thought up by the God that they had all worshipped.

'There's no time for hesitation!', her mind quipped, yet betrayed by the mechanical joints that only slightly advanced her body towards the boy. Quickly, she gripped the person's shoulders, bringing him up face to face for the first time-

His eyes were bespectacled, yet still emitted a sharpness to it despite his shock to the pinkette's actions- If he was to receive a kiss from her, she had admitted that his looks was worthy enough to accept it.. _maybe just __a little bit._

"E-even if it's your first kiss!" The consciousness in her mind reminded her- it had always the habit of speaking the wrong things at the wrong time, but this had just set the record. Why must you be so terrible, mind? Can you go sit in a mental corner or somewhere and just let the body go into its motions? Maybe it would've been better to have made that an order, rather than a request.

Blood was pumping up to her face, and before her blush got into a deeper shade of red she pulled his lips towards hers, sealing them into a kiss.

"Mmppftth!"

The sudden intimacy of the young mage had seemed to pull the attention of the young boy back into reality- pushing against the form of the magician strongly until they were separated- a easy feat to do for any person due to Louise's size.

But, just like Louise, Keima Katsuragi was hardly one that you would call "normal".

And so, after using an excruciating amount of effort to pry the small girl away from his face, he was able to regain his personal space.

"What the.." He spoke in between his pants, "..the **heck** did you-" the earlier 'exercise' he had taken a large toll on his body, having him nearly fatigued, "-do that for you _**cosplaying loli**_**!**" such fatigue did not apply to his mouth, however, as he roared in annoyance at the young pinkette's actions.

"Be grateful commoner, it is not everyday that you get behold the chance to lock lips with a no-" Unfortunately before the short statured mage finished her thought, the word "loli" sprang up to her mind. She had never heard of this word before, and will probably never hear it from anyone else besides the bespectacled young boy, but knew instantly what the word had meant, even if by pure instinct.

It was the only word synonymous to her "berserk button", which by the way, was "height".

"WHAT DID YOU JUST CALL ME!?" veins bulged clearly from her forehead, even in a way that the otaku in her presence quivered at that ridiculously numerous "bad ends" that had sprung to life at the raising of such a red flag.

"Professor said that I had to spend an eternity bound to a single familiar, but there are other methods of disposing of…_** trash.**_"

It was a black aura.

It was a black aura, unlike anything Keima had ever seen.

It was like what a mass of tentacle monsters would've looked on a unsuspecting pure maiden's vision, readying itself to violate every centimeter of her voluptuous body, then moving on to the bits that would require this story to reach the rating of M for its pure disturbing nature.

It was a power that was going to devour his whole entire body with its… evilness.

He could barely suppress a shudder.

He didn't try to.

"Save! Savesavesave! Save! Why can't you save in real life!?"

This was the mad, desperate mutterings of a cornered conquering god, trying to bend reality to his whims before his life comes to an end, brutally. If only the young man wasn't so focused at the towering aura the little midget had, he would have been able to hear the word "summon" escaping her lips, telling him that wherever he was, it was a reality he hadn't come to known.

"-Wait, did you just say 'summon'?"

Oh, it seems he has. Faster than even lightning, he broke off of his supposed "fear" status and grabbed the pink haired midget in the face.

"P-pink!"

Louise didn't know if it was disgust or fear that she felt when she was faced with the boy once more, now with him sharply looking at her hair, gasping rapidly and red faced, unlike his previous actions. W-what was wrong with this guy?

As quickly as he went up and grab her face he released it, staring intently and rapidly through every member of the student crowd, so fast that his eyes looked almost like a blur!

"BlueRedYellowGreenVioletIndigoVelvetTurquoiseWhit e-"

Keima couldn't help but speak in a robotic manner as he catalogues every hair color in his check list, which, much to his surprise, _**was actually completed.**_

"Capes Hats Wands Magic Castles-"

He turned around with ferocity, his eyes turning into merely compilations of blocks attached together to form a replica of his previous eye- one that came from the same universe that he has would know of the compilation as a "pixilated mess" but for the less technologically-acquainted folks of Halkegenia, such terms were out of their reach.

At the end of his turn he witnessed a sight he had only seen a piece of, a piece that was sealed in a window that was at times in two or three dimensions.

It was one that was the standard fare of big budget rpgs, one of the immeasurable amount of genres that the conquering god has been able to play in his insignificantly short life time.

"THE GLORIOUS GRASS MEADOWS!"

Was the world playing a trick on him once more?

Did the goddesses pull a prank on him?

No, please don't let that be the case!

He was finally there!

He was finally at the land of…

VIDEOGAMES! (Maybe.)

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Louise could only stare at the sight dumbfounded at the sight, mouth agape. The man stretching his arms away from his body, as if absorbing everything about the view, all together with a expression of enlightenment that was closer or may have overcome the level of a Buddha that we had always imagine in our heads, and a laugh so _eerie _and _disgusting, _stuck between the sly_ "ehehehehe" _and the evil_ "fufufu"_ that she almost wanted to hurl, before promptly passing out- in a scene that could almost have been described as being in "slow motion".

If only Katsuragi knew what was in store for him. He wouldn't have been too happy to see that glorious meadow.


End file.
